In memory of Neda

She is the young woman who was killed yesterday by the basij militia who do the dirty work for the Iranian government. It was the video of her death that did it for me. I can no longer be a passive observer. I have to do somethig. I know I am in the US and I cannot go over there to help the people, but I can show my support for them in my city of Chico.
I stood on one of the busier intersections for two hours yesterday holding my sign of support. I did get alot of good response from the people driving by and someone was thoughtful enough to stop go into a store and bought me something to drink. Another man on a bicycle offered to buy me dinner... although I think he did not really read my sign and just thought I was maybe homeless? and asking for money?? either way he too was kind enough to ask if I wanted help. There was another woman who did not know what was going on in Iran and did not even know there was a country called Iran! I think the California school system needs some looking into!

I am returning to that same intersection today and I placed a post on the local Craigslist hoping to recruit more supporters. Either way, I will go.
http://www.albawaba.com/en/news/248538

Support the People of Iran

I havebeen watching CNN and I follow twitter...who knew this crazy new technology would become paramount to a freedom movement! Anyways I must show you newest video from youtube...WARNING!!!!! This is a disturbing video! But I feel I must spread the word to help any way I can. Also, if you can wear a green armband to show your support for the Iranian people.
xoxo Inge
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGvow-chn28

Feel free to pass on this video and there are others on youtube you can use to pass on as much info as we can to help them.

It has been 2 weeks since I said "good bye"

to my beautiful kitty, Austin. I swear there were 2 times I thought I heard him howl. For now I will believe it was another one of my kittes imitating Austin... but if I hear the howl again it may very well be him... as I mentioned before I have had paranormal experiences in the past and why not have one with my cat. In life we had a strong bond...why should that change now that he has crossed over. If you are not an animal lover, you cannot understand how painful it is to lose one, even if they are senior citizens... I think all that fur hides their true age. To me Austin still looked like the young kitty I adopted 16 years ago... well, maybe his fur was a bit rougher looking. I had him cremated and he sits on a book shelf in my livingroom along with his two kitty friends who died 5 years ago. My vet sent me flowers! I was so surprised! In the past the vet I had at the time sent a condolence card... but flowers! Wow! It meant so much to me. I am so lucky to have found him. Thank you Dr. Callen!

Needless to say I have not gone down to socal lately to look for work. It took all I had to just get up and go to work, come home and spend time with my other furbabies. Work was really a challenge... I just did not feel like being my cheerful self and I know we should not bring our "baggage" to work but this time I did not fake happy, joy,joy! My thoughts about that are... I was grieving and that was that. I always crack jokes even when I am pissed off... my humor just becomes more sarcastic, but this time I just allowed myself to be me... goddess knows I have to put up with a variety of whiney and pouty customers and staff at times and now it was my turn. I also could not take the time off work because losing a pet is not considered the same as losing a human family member.

John and I have been taking the dogs to the dog park lately. They absolutely love it and have a chance to mingle and play with other dogs they do not normally see. I don't know if it has to do with losing Austin or what but I find myself getting annoyed with the usual questions I get when it comes to my Chihuahuas... "how old are they? how long will they live? what happened to his eye?" I have had to answer these questions almost everytime we meet someone new, and now I just get annoyed. My answers now are..." I don't know. They don't have an expiration date stamped on their butts. He got in a bar fight." You should see the strange looks I get. I mean really, I have met some unusual looking pets and people for that matter but I never asked someone these type of questions especially asking how long their pet will live. I just don't want to dwell on that or discuss it with a stranger, thank you very much.

I am back to practise typing. I took the speed test on Monday at the employment office and failed. I need to type 40 wpm no mistakes. I did it at home several times so I thought I was ready but I have come to the conclusion that the different keyboards do make a difference. My laptop keyes are smoother and the employment office keyboards is raised and hair trigger... keeping my finger too long on a key can turn an a into an aaaaaa. I type at the employment office daily for 2 hours.

I have to mention what is going on in Iran. I watch the news, youtube, flickr and twitter as much as I can to keep up with what is going on. I think we are witnessing a revolution (I hope) to bring about freedom, real democratic freedom to that country. The so called democratic government they had before is really a joke, when the one who really make the rules calls himself "Supreme Leader" and just pretends to offer democratic ideals. I could not live in such an oppressed society and I probably would have trouble participating in a peaceful protest...especially when I watched bullies on motorcycles clubbing unarmed people in the street. I feel my anger rising when I watch that abuse on youtube. I hope the people of Iran get the democratic government they want. I think the old guard is finally getting replaced by the younger generations all around the world... they will not stand for the bigotry, hate and discrimination that still seem to rear its ugly head even in the 21st century. I particpated in the protests during Iraq wars I and II but never experienced anything like this. I don't think we can appreciate the risk these people are taking for sharing these photos and videos with the rest of the world... maybe technology will make it possible to free people from oppressive governments. I hope so... life is too short to be forced to live life according to someones warped religious views and beliefs... now don't get me wrong I am for religious freedom but when someone's religious freedom dicates my personal freedom we have a problem.
xoxo Inge
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bI3bwkw2DBU

I knew it was coming

but I wanted another day, another hour...it is never enough. 17 years go by so fast, it's really a blink of an eye. John said he noticed changes a couple of weeks ago. Maybe I chose not to see or because I was so close to him I could not see. We took Austin to the vet this morning. He could barely walk...really only two wobbly steps then he laid down on the linoleum. We had quiet time last night, he seemed so peaceful...I had hoped he would crossover in his sleep. Don't we all want that for ourselves and our loved ones? Doc said he was ready to go...I had asked if we could do anything to help him survive longer, I still was not wanting to hear the truth. He went quick and pain free with John and I at his side. I wanted to be there with him and would have felt guilty if he had gone while I was at work. At least we were all together. When we returned home, John reminded me of the sticker I have on the fridge and said Austin got to live that slogan:

"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting '...holy shit...' what a ride!"

Austin, my dear friend and baby boy you and I had quite a ride in deed!

I got out of the house for a bit today

and went to the library to find some more books on Buddhism and Ram Dass... the Ram Dass books were checked out but there were lots of books on Buddhism. I found one good one,"Buddhism for Beginners", by Thubten Chodron...it is perfect because I am a beginner or at least interested in looking it over. I have read about 25 pages so far and if you are wondering what Buddhism is about this book tells you in plain English... no esoteric woo woo stuff in there. It straightened me out on this whole attachment and suffering thing. I am starting to get it.

Another book I want to recommend is "The Fall of Freddie the Leaf", by Leo Buscaglia. It deals with death and is appropriate for kids, I bought it back when James was small and it helped me explain the loss of his grandpa. I think it is a good book for any age actually.

Austin is weak again and I am making him comfortable. We created a kitty hospice for him...since he did not come with an expiration date I don't know how much time we have left together so I will stay in the present moment with him...we have also reminisced about some of the funnier moments we spent together.

I have been doing alot of thinking about things

again. I seem to be going through my introspective period. As you know I am meditating again and thinking about things...other points of view, like Buddhism and I have to say I do not agree with their belief about attachment and its connection to suffering. Have you heard the saying "It is better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all"? Well, that is where I am at. I get it that it is not so good to be overly attached to someone or something... to be needy. Ok ,maybe I am not getting it. Attachment means suffering. hmmmm. If we do not "attache" ourselves to someone or something, for me life has no meaning. I am pretty much a loner, meaning I do not hang out with lots of people...ok women, because it has been my experience that the women I end up friends with turn out to be needy, or victims, or they complain about their men or that they don't have a man, etc. I really hate that. I get frustrated with those type of women but at the same time I seem to attract those types. So, I spend my time alone, with the family or I relate better with men. They seem to be less serious about things. Well, I take that back I do know alot of whiney men too, but they usually complain about things like the cost of everything. Oops, there I go again... rambling.

**** Subject change. Acupuncture. It literally saved my life. I mention this because I was listening to Dr. Dean Adel (I usually don't because I think he is a paid cheerleader for all things western medicine and pharmaceuticals) yesterday and he said the medical journal yadayadayada claims that acupuncture does not work... no science to back it up. I beg to differ...
When I turned 41 my periods went crazy! I had one every two weeks and I my periods were so heavy I could not leave the bathroom let alone go anywhere like work. After a year of seeing three different doctors and a few thousand dollars all I got was the same diagnosis... no I am not in perimenapause, take these iron pills, use bigger pads... All western medicine did for me was take my money and frustrate me...then I met a woman who told me about how acupuncture helped her with her periods. She gave me the number to the acupuncture school in Berkeley... my periods were under control by the third visit...they listened to me and agreed with my belief -just by listening to me and looking at my tongue! - that yes, I was in perimenapause and I could be helped. My period finally ended eight years later and I did need maintenance for that period (no pun intended) but I really believe if I had not discovered acupuncture I would have gotten seriously ill.
Austin seems to be feeling better than he did a few days ago even though he is weak and I still have to force feed him, but he is using the litter box and drinking water on his own. I looked up the human to cat years thingy and he is 85 years old, Saturday he has a birthday, I think we shall throw him a party.
xoxo Inge
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JynBEX_kg8

Dead Zones

I live in one... I cannot get cell phone reception in my house, outside my house,or on the driveway, but I can get reception a block away if the wind blows just right. I do not have a land line so I depend on my cell phone, so if I want to call someone or receive a call I have to stand around the corner. What a pain. It reminds me of Green Acres (remember that show in the 60s?) when Lisa and Oliver had to climb the telephone pole to make a call. I really do I like my home though, it is quiet, nice yard, fenced, roomy enough for all of us...I guess there ups and downs of everyhome.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEOxYV25lbg

I took the day off from work today

I am spending time with Austin. He is doing better today. I am feeding him with the syringe and I added cream to the food to add some fat to his diet. Yesterday I could not concentrate at work and got alot of orders wrong so I decided it was better to stay at home since my mind was there anyway. I rarely miss work...I think the last time was sometime last year. I am usually cheerful and a smart ass at work so when I was walking around visibly sad people were concerned. It is no secret that my critters are my family...I think any animal lover knows what I mean.
So today I will spend time with my critters and help Austin through this...and of course practise typing. ughh...
xoxo Inge

One of the teachings of Buddhism

is the lesson of impermanence and that suffering comes from attachment to...anything. Nothing lasts forever and all things have a beginning and an end. I think about this now because I have realized that Austin is nearing his life journey. Even though he got a clean bill of health from the doc last Thursday he decided to stop eating on Saturday. I first thought he did not like the powder I added to his wet food so I gave him food without it. He is drinking water but he only eats when I force feed him with a syringe. He turns up his nose for corn chips... one of his favorite treats. I also see he is laying around alot and having trouble jumping on things and when our 3 year old cat Scout pounces on him, Austin keeps walking like he is not there... before Austin would hiss and smack him around.
I am spending as much time as I can with him today...I have to work at 2 pm but I will check on Austin on my break... one of the only good things about my job is that I am 10 minutes away by car. I hope when he does enter the spirit world he will go peacefully in his sleep, I cannot bear taking him to the vet to help him crossover.