I was going to go out job hunting again today... I have been looking for about a week and a half now - everyday. I got sidetracked though... started looking for vlogs from Lilou and then I decided to join the 100 Day Reality Challenge on one of her websites. Her vlog today was interview she did recently about panic attacks and fear... a subject I know to well from past experience. She mentioned that instead of running, running, running to try and make what I want to happen (In my case find a job) that it would be a good idea to spend time in nature and be with my thoughts. Soooo, I applied for membership to her 100 Day Reality Challenge website. I attempted to make my own video blog or vlog and post it on youtube but for some reason the video would not load. This dang technical stuff is hard for us chickies over the age of 50. Well, it is at least for me. I will have to figure that out another day or I might run into a 5 year old today that can upload it for me. HA! HA!

Anyways, here's what I said on my video " This is day 1 of my reality challenge and my intentions are to manifest my perfect job. Since I don't really know exactly what that job is I think I should focus on clarity first. I have a habit of just doing the samething I always do which is look for work to pay the bills and then dream about my dream job. Although my last job sucked so much energy out of me the only thing I did was dream or rather sleep and dream I was working at that job. Not very productive for me. I will write down in my journal 5 things that I am grateful for everyday. I already am in the process of making my vision board (but truth be told there is alot of restaurant pictures on there) some habits will take longer to get rid of. I have already started meditating just to focus on the now. That's what I have so far."

I wonder how I will know when the right opportunities are knocking on my door though. Example: A few days ago I got a call from a woman who said she saw my resume posted on one of the job sites and she was with some financial firm. She gave me her pitch on why she thought I would be a good match for her firm and was I interested in making a good paycheck. Well, of course! But after the phone call I looked up her financial firm and found out it really is a Pyramid Scheme. I had that impression when I talked to her so I was not surprised. But how do I know any job offers I get will be the real deal? I thought my last job was going to be great and look what happened with that.

Back to being grateful though... I have to say that job paid for us to relocate to southern California and got us moved into this comfortable home, so it did serve its purpose,even though it turned out different than I expected. As John likes to remind me " Things happen for a reason".

Hope your weekend is juicy and don't forget to laugh outloud!

xoxo Inge

Still working on my gratitude and affirmations. It's interesting how fear tries to sneak in when I am quiet for a minute. I practise my deep breathing and focus on my gratitude. I even mention that I am grateful to face uncertainty. Don't we all face uncertainty every day? I think looking for work without having a job brings it to the surface. I change my uncertainty into possibilities. Last month I was too exhausted to think about anything let alone possibilities or fear of the unknown.

My ocd likes to whisper anxious thoughts in my ear but I recognise it and will not allow it to take over. Obsessing about things just robs me of the time I need to put a plan together to find work.

Hope your day is good and don't forget to laugh out loud!

xoxo Inge

I finally went to Urgent Care... I just wasn't feeling better. It is really interesting and annoying to always be asked "Do you have insurance?" That is always the very first question. Not "What is your symptoms? How can I help you?" My answer is "No I do not have insurance"... I cannnot afford the $300 a month for insurance and even if I could the premium eats up all my discretionary income so I do not have the money for the co-pays. Anyway when I give my answer I always get the same look... free loader. Then they tell me it will cost me $67 to start... soooo! Just because I don't have insurance does not mean I do not have money put away for emergencies and this is an emergency... at least for me. I'm sick and I am hardly ever sick so for me to go to an western doctor means I really feel bad.

The doc that saw me was or at least seemed like he knew what he was doing... diagnosis... stomach flu.... well, I already knew that...well, sort of my ocd can kick in and run wild with obsessive thoughts if I let it.... but stomach flu - even though it sucks is the best illness... if I have to choose one. He gave me some GI cocktail to calm my stomach so I could drink liquids and eat something so I can gain my strength. He also gave me a prescription, Belladonna with alkaloids.... isn't Belladonna a poison? I think I saw that on the movie Practical Magic (one of my fav flicks).

Anyway, I was told that I could be sick 3 to 7 days with this stuff and I had to be patient and let the virus work its way through. I did not get to start my new food server job but I let the manager know and I do have a doctors note. I hope that will be ok but really I don't have a choice... I don't think customers will appreciate an employee with the stomach flu handling their food. (Although, it happens all the time!)

It is day 5 and I have the strength to blog and clean my kitchen. My tongue no longer has dryer lint growing on it so I am hopeful... Ana made me some delicious looking homemade chicken noodle soup and I will attempt to eat some today.

Hope your weekend is fun and healthy. Don't forget to laugh out loud!

xoxo Inge