Still working on my gratitude and affirmations. It's interesting how fear tries to sneak in when I am quiet for a minute. I practise my deep breathing and focus on my gratitude. I even mention that I am grateful to face uncertainty. Don't we all face uncertainty every day? I think looking for work without having a job brings it to the surface. I change my uncertainty into possibilities. Last month I was too exhausted to think about anything let alone possibilities or fear of the unknown.

My ocd likes to whisper anxious thoughts in my ear but I recognise it and will not allow it to take over. Obsessing about things just robs me of the time I need to put a plan together to find work.

Hope your day is good and don't forget to laugh out loud!

xoxo Inge

I finally went to Urgent Care... I just wasn't feeling better. It is really interesting and annoying to always be asked "Do you have insurance?" That is always the very first question. Not "What is your symptoms? How can I help you?" My answer is "No I do not have insurance"... I cannnot afford the $300 a month for insurance and even if I could the premium eats up all my discretionary income so I do not have the money for the co-pays. Anyway when I give my answer I always get the same look... free loader. Then they tell me it will cost me $67 to start... soooo! Just because I don't have insurance does not mean I do not have money put away for emergencies and this is an emergency... at least for me. I'm sick and I am hardly ever sick so for me to go to an western doctor means I really feel bad.

The doc that saw me was or at least seemed like he knew what he was doing... diagnosis... stomach flu.... well, I already knew that...well, sort of my ocd can kick in and run wild with obsessive thoughts if I let it.... but stomach flu - even though it sucks is the best illness... if I have to choose one. He gave me some GI cocktail to calm my stomach so I could drink liquids and eat something so I can gain my strength. He also gave me a prescription, Belladonna with alkaloids.... isn't Belladonna a poison? I think I saw that on the movie Practical Magic (one of my fav flicks).

Anyway, I was told that I could be sick 3 to 7 days with this stuff and I had to be patient and let the virus work its way through. I did not get to start my new food server job but I let the manager know and I do have a doctors note. I hope that will be ok but really I don't have a choice... I don't think customers will appreciate an employee with the stomach flu handling their food. (Although, it happens all the time!)

It is day 5 and I have the strength to blog and clean my kitchen. My tongue no longer has dryer lint growing on it so I am hopeful... Ana made me some delicious looking homemade chicken noodle soup and I will attempt to eat some today.

Hope your weekend is fun and healthy. Don't forget to laugh out loud!

xoxo Inge

What is one of the worst case scenarios that can happen to someone with ocd? To have one of their fears come true. The other day I locked my keys in my car with the ignition on. I left for 30 minutes, came back couldn't find my car keys and then looked in my car. This is the one time in a million I decided not to check my purse a dozen times to make sure I had my keys. In fact I did not check even once... I didn't think about it... my excuse is I am tired because I have to get up at the butt-crack of dawn to go to my new job. Unfortunatley, for someone having ocd this will make me justfy - in my mind - that I have to check for my keys a dozen times and while I am at it - check the front door to make sure it's locked, and since I am at the front door why not go inside and check the stove to make sure I turned that off! I told you I get worse when I am stressed out or I guess tired. I have found a routine that does help my ocd and that requires me to be mindful of what I am doing and not put myself on auto pilot especially when I am preparing to leave my house... that is to tell myself out loud that I am turning off the stove... I am locking the front door... I have my keys, etc. The key is to say it out loud - somehow that makes it real to me and I can be assured that I can trust myself and not have to recheck my actions.
Hope your coming work week is good and don't forget to laugh out loud!
xoxo Inge
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpHeSKu0_LU

In general I do not like reality shows, but I am guilty of watching some. It started with "The Osbornes"... I got a kick out of that crazy family. Then there is "Tori & Dean"... I like that show because even though they are a Hollywood couple they have the same issues that all married couples deal with - without the drama that so many reality shows interject, like "Jon & Kate plus 8"... I never watched that show because I did not find it entertaining to watch a bunch of kids wandering around doing whatever kids their age do and I did not like Kate... the few times I did see the show for a few minutes she was bitching about something and then turning around and acting the victim... two characteristics of some women that drive me crazy!

Now I am hooked on "Hollywood Husbands"... I guess it is because my fantasy is to have John be my house hubby. I would enjoy being the bread winner and having John take care of the house chores. Maybe someday...

Now for something... serious... sort of... I want to make a confession because I think there are more people out there who experience the same thing and by giving it a voice maybe I can control it better. OCD - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I don't have it as bad as some people... I don't wash my hands 100 times a day... mine is more like "Monk"...you know the guy who is a police detective on t.v... a modern day Columbo with OCD. I worry about things I have no control over... I have phobias about germs - I don't like to shake peoples hands, I don't touch public door knobs, I don't like my silverware to touch the table in restaurants, I hate flying (in an airplane) and elevators. I think my phobias basically revolve around control issues. I have not been medically declared a nut but I know secretly I am and I have come to terms with it and my hubby puts up with it. I try to laugh about it but there are times that it really bugs me and I spend the day or most of it trying to reason with myself to stop it. It is much worse when I am stressed and job hunting and house hunting kicks it in high gear. Even though on the outside I seem normal, inside I feel tense, fearful, depressed. Sometimes my symptoms are obsessive thoughts... if I have an issue with someone I can replay that scene over and over and over again. I usually add things that I wish I had said and then that person's reaction. I am sure while I am obsessing, the other person is sleeping soundly or going about their business without a clue. I know it really is about me... well, there I said it and now you know... this hip, together, well dressed, opinionated chick has some issues. I guess that is just a part of being human but I don't like to admit such things because I like to live by the creed "Never let them see you sweat". Anyway, now you know.

Have a good week and don't forget to laugh out loud!

xoxo Inge

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYg9BFKIj38