This has been a rough week for me...family squabbles...money issues...I am definitely not in the vortex. I got a letter from disability informing me that my funds are...as they put it... exhausted. I didn't know that they could get exhausted. Apparently, everyone is paid different amounts, depending on how much they put in. It's like a piggy bank. I put a certain amount in each month, which is determined by "them" and when I need to use it, I get a certain amount a month which is determined  by "them". When the money runs out...its gone.  I have been putting money in for 37 years and all I get is $13,300?? I get a better return saving through the Christmas Club. Remember when banks offered that service? When I return to work, I put money back into the piggy bank. My piggy bank at the moment is empty. Sooooo...I had to apply for social security. I went to the local office and was given a pamphlet and told to apply online. I went home, went online and 3 hours later I was done! 3 hours???? And I had the information they wanted at my fingertips, and I am not a slow typist. I had to give information about my past 5 jobs, W2s from 2010, names of all my doctors - with phone numbers, addresses, dates of tests and office visits, medications and on and on. My brain was exhausted just like my disability payments. Then on the last page it read "average time to get a decision is 120 days" WTF!!!

I went back to the ss office today and it was packed...yesterday, there was a handful of people. I wanted to bring my medical release paper in person so I could maybe expedite the process. I also brought my W2s, proof of citizenship, the disability letter stating I am done with them... oh, Hell! I brought everything with me in case they asked and they did. The social worker said that I maybe qualified but I will have to see their social security doctor as well. I qualified for social security benefits early due to my disability to the tune $848 a month.

I was then sent over to another social worker to see if I qualified for ssi benefits ( I thought that is
what I was asking for anyways, but who can keep track.) I did not qualify because I own 2 cars and the 2 of them combined are worth more than $3,000. Apparently that makes me rich! I do have a chance at the $848 a month...my disability checks were $1400 a month. That is quite a hit in the pocketbook. I was given the name of an agency that is in charge of food stamps. Food stamps? That hit me like a ton of bricks! I did not bust my ass all my life to end up like this. I refuse to spend the rest of my life in the poorhouse. I am also very independent...ambitious and not used to "handouts". For me it's all about the quality of life and I do not want to spend it watching tv. I want to experience new places, open my thrift shop, mix it up in protest marches. I want to feel alive! And I can't do that on $848 and food stamps, while some government agency makes sure I don't earn anymore money than I am allotted. I am starting to sound like Ron Paul and I don't want to be like him either.

I want to stay positive because if I get on the pity train I will get sick again...negative energy = stress and stress = equals sickness. I have to find a way to get myself out of this...but for now I cannot walk right, my balance is shit and I poop my pants. I cannot work like that and no one will hire me in this condition. I am good at not letting people know when I don't feel good but I am not that good! I will have to look at this a a temporary thing or I will get myself into a depression. I don't like feeling bad...I want to be happy.

Then I went to the neurological center to get the nerves in my legs tested. That was soooo painful!! At one point I asked if Dick Cheney created this test...whats next water boarding?... and then I cried. I couldn't help it...the doctor needed to get the shock to a 10 but I couldn't take more than a 6. It hurt the worst behind my knee caps. Then she stuck needles in me connected to the shock machine and as if that was not enough she twisted the needle in my leg. I almost went through the roof. I know people could hear me yell at times. When I was done, I had to have help walking...my left leg was too weak. I knew I would fall down. Luckily, James went with me...I had planned to drive myself but I could never have driven home. About 40 minutes later I felt better.

So here I am now...back home...blogging. I think I am really getting everything out and hope that I can snap out of it and come up with a plan to make my life better. I am grateful to be alive...I just want to LIVE while I am alive. Well, enough of that! I want a green smoothie...
Eat your fruit & veggies!   xo   Inge

We went dancing for my birthday. I danced my ass off and had a great time!  After that we went to Ihop for pancakes! Yum   :)  I haven't been out until 2am for years. It felt great!
Eat your fruit & veggies!   xo Inge

Today is my birthday! How blessed and lucky I am! I want to thank all the people who prayed for me, my doctors, my nurses, social workers, friends and family. I was thinking about what Hillary Clinton said when she was talking about children....it takes a village. Well, the same idea works with taking care of a sick person. It isn't just one person who heals the patient...there are countless people involved from the ones who implement the health care to the ones who carry the plan out. I am grateful to all of them. When I was in the hospital, there were a couple of nurses who nurtured me and made me feel loved. I believe that is not taught in nursing school, it comes naturally.

I believe I have been given a second chance and I do not want to take that for granted. I am not the same person I was before I got sick. I am actually the person I was over 20 years ago. Back then I was politically active, and opinionated, so now that I find myself with more time on my hands I am naturally drawn back into  that. I want to make this place a better place for future generations and for now exposing companies that are doing harm in the name of profits is where I will focus my attention. I want to follow in the footsteps of Ralph Nader, Mario Savio, Keith Oberman, Anderson Cooper (Keeping them honest), and my college professor, Jim Higgs. It takes a village to make change...

Eat your fruits & veggies!   xo  Inge

I found a group based in Southern California working to ban gmos from our food.  They ae called GMO Free Southern California. They are on facebook and are planning events all over so-cal. Here is their link   https://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=155664254517322#!/pages/GMO-Free-Southern-California/103825439710440?sk=events

I am going to the event in Tustin Sept. 29th.

I have thinking about ways to get word out about gmos to as many people as possible, so i am posting on facebook and twitter. I found a website that lists countries and some states in North America that either ban gmos or are working on it... http://www.purezing.com/living/toxins/living_toxins_gmofoods.html
They also list how much of our food already has gmos AND THEY ARE NOT LABELED!!! I don't want labeling because what good does that do? It will already be in the food supply so the damage will be done. I want an all out ban!  Here is a link to Gov. Jerry Brown's office so you can call, email or snail mail hin with your thoughts on the subject.   http://gov.ca.gov/m_contact.php 

Here is a link from the Food for Justice rally.  I want to organize something like this in Southern California. Anyone down here interested in participating?
https://www.facebook.com/#!/media/set/?set=a.269180783103129.66752.195319573822584

My doctor just emailed me. The pet/ct scan came back clear! NO SIGN OF CANCER!!! I am sooooo grateful! This is me with my happy face!

Eat your fruits & veggies!    xo Inge

I swear everyday I read another horror story about what is in our food and has the blessing of our government officials. Now it's wood? and they do not have to disclose it's in the food!

http://foodfreedom.wordpress.com/2011/07/08/15-food-companies-that-serve-you-wood/...you

The article lists the companies that are doing it...you will SHIT! you really will, apparently wood is not digested by humans so of course that means fiber.

** My pet/ct scan went off without a hitch. I took an Adavan an hour before and I was laughing like Fran Drescher from "The Nanny". I had a different tech who was terrific which really helped. Now we wait for the results...


Eat your fruits & veggies!   xo  Inge

John had the day off today so we took Cooper and Charlie to the dog park. They always have a great time there... lot's of butt sniffing and running. Well, Cooper prefers to sniff and pee, but will tolerate others dogs wanting to sniff him. Then we went for a drive along the Pacific Coast Highway. The tourists are gone, so the traffic is quite nice. We got hungry and decided to stop in what seemed a local hangout called Taco Surf. They had a live calypso band and the food was great! 

Tomorrow I get scanned. I will take an anti-anxiety pill before I go so I won't get claustrophobic this
time.  The results won't be ready for a few days.
Eat your fruits & veggies!    xo  Inge

There is link to sign petition on this site

http://eatdrinkbetter.com/2011/09/14/organic-growers-sue-monsanto/

BOULDER COUNTY COLORADO TAKES STAND AGAINST GMOs

Watch this video to find out more... I want to do this in California
http://newhope360.com/non-gmo/alex-bogusky-if-boulder-stops-gmos-others-will-follow?cid=nl_nfm_iu

Update about my doctor visit last Friday... I have to get this off my chest first....and a disclaimer....I love my doctors and I am grateful they take such good care of me...BUT that day I observed an intern/resident sitting on the floor looking through a patients file. I am wildly aware of germs since I got sick because my immune system has been compromised andd still is not normal. Seeing that doctor sitting on the dirty floor bothered me. Then a resident came in my patient room and wanted to shake my hand...she did not wash her hands when she came in. I remember when all doctors did this and when I was in the hospital they applied antibacterial gel when they came and when they left. The resident was visibly offended when I declined her handshake..that got us off to a rough start, but I believe it is up to me to watch out for myself so if I offend someone then you know what they say in Russia "Tough shitskies". I know it isn't called Russia anymore...
Anyway after some tests, the teaching doctor came in and banged around my kneecaps with a rubber mallot thingy. The right leg gave a slight response; the left one nothing. He agreed with my physical therapist...I can't feel my feet...the suspected culprit...5FU chemo. I have to have an MRI of my spine to get a better look...then they will hook up electrodes to my legs. There are days I feel like I am turning into  my grandmother. I don't want to see all these doctors...I want to go dancing, walk without a walker, go to the gym and lift weights, be a part of a protest, ride a motorcycle...live life! I added motorcycle because in 1999 I was a waitress at Mels Drive In in San Francisco (talk about feeling alive!I loved every crazy minute at that restaurant) One day this motorcycle drove up and parked... the person riding it took off HER helmet..she was dressed in full leathers and came in the diner right by my station.  She looked fantastic and I told her so... she replied "I'm 67 years young!"
I want to be just like her when I grow up...no, forget that I don't want to grow up...that's boring!
Eat your fruit & veggies!   xo Inge

Since I got sick I watch Dr. Oz quite a bit. Today his topic was arsenic & apple juice concentrate. The FDA allows arsenic levels in our drinking water to be 10 parts to billion. It does not have standard for apple juice. Here is list of co. that exceed this level: Gerber-36; Juicy Juice-22; Motts-16. Arsenic is found in most products that contain apple juice as sweetener; they usually come from China. Organic does not. Minute Maid & Apple & Eve are  the only ones who came in under 10. Less than 2% food imports are inspected. It is up to us to force change at the cash register. You can watch Dr. Oz online 9/14/2011 to see show.
http://www.doctoroz.com/

I had a headache the past four days. It started as a sinus headache and then turned into a migraine. I feel better today, but I feel tired. I hate it when I am stuck at home because I like to stay active. I am very aware about time and how precious it is. I don't like wasting any of it.

I am making a new green smoothie though. Here is the recipe:

Throw in blender...

1 handful organic broccoli sprouts
1 handful organic frozen raspberries
1 cup mixed baby lettuce ( I keep the bag in the freezer so it lasts longer. It will be added to smoothie so its ok if its frozen. I got this idea from the Green Smoothie Girl)
1/2 avocado
1/2 cup  Mountain High wholefat vanilla yogurt (you can use another brand but make sure it contains probiotics....Yoplait does not!)
1/4 cup soymilk
2 tblsps. Trader Joe's Organic Hemp Protein Powder   Chocolate flavor

Enjoy!

Eat your fruits and veggies!   xo Inge

One of my doctors called today. She is my gp and gave me the pap test...twice. She could not get healthy cells from my cervix again because as she put it "my cervix is fried" Well, that isn't a selling point for me. Since my cervix has a lot of scar tissue it will never return to normal. I can get my yearly check ups but the only way to tell if I have any issues down there will be from visible inspection or if I start bleeding. Oh, well. I knew I would have a laundry list of side effects. Its  still worth the price to be alive today.  Tomorrow I see my neurologist to talk about my balance and neuropathy.

Eat your fruits & veggies!   xo Inge

 

I got a response today from Whole Foods today. I must retract my statements I made against the company. The email I got was to long to repost , so I am linking part of it here. I did look up Snopes to see if the info was true & nothing was on that site pro or con. Its a good lesson for me to always contact the company accused to get their story. Even though Whole Foods is not in bed with Monsanto it appears our government is! So once again its up to us to stay informed about what our so called representatives are up to.  http://www.nongmoproject.org/2011/01/29/team-organic-will-never-surrender-to-monsanto-now-we-continue-the-fight-together/

Organic Elite Surrenders to Monsanto: Whole Foods Market okays GMO coexistence

http://foodfreedom.wordpress.com/2011/01/27/organic-elite-surrenders-to-monsanto/


Here is Whole Foods Headquarters email address if you would like to voice your opinion. I already did.
http://www.wholefoodsmarket.com/company/contact_submit.php

10 steps to stop monsanto & genetically modified foods

Forks Over Knives - Official Trailer [HD]

This movie will be on Showtime soon, but it is available on youtube now.  It is a real eye opener.

Libby, the Inspirational story of a Neglected Cat

The shelter where Libby was adopted from is called The House of Critters Animal Rescue.  They are a no-kill shelter, and they have a fund called Libby's Fund: Love is Believing in a Better You. They takes donations to help cover the cost of vet bills like hers so animals can get the treatment they need.
 *** Sidenote...This song came on the radio while I was getting my first radiation treatment. I knew then I was going to survive, just like Libby. I still get emotional when I hear this song.

"The critical ingredient is getting off your butt and doing something. It’s as simple as that. A lot of people have ideas, but there are few who decide to do something about them now. Not tomorrow. Not next week. But today. The true entrepreneur is a doer, not a dreamer." – Nolan Bushnell

I have been talking via the phone to a friend I haven't physically seen since  circa 1993. Her name is Glenda and we talk nearly everyday. She contacted me when I was first in the hospital back in December of 2010.  We became friends at Modesto Junior College back in 1989. We both were "older" students, with a similar sense of humor; back then we had husbands who just didn't get us, and we were politically active...especially when the first Gulf war started. I became the President of the campus Environmental Club (much to the dismay of the college president) I maybe was a bit radical and pushy back then, but in my defense I had radical teachers that took me under their wing.

 One such professor was Jim Higgs. He taught English and Critical Thinking, and he was a self proclaimed political instigator. Glenda and I reminisced about the good old days of protesting and Jim's name came up. So when I got off the phone I decided to look him up...maybe he had a facebook page and we could become friends. I am sad to say I did find him on the net but it was his memorial. He died in 2000 from Lou Gehrig Disease. So sad he was a ball of fire when I knew him and opinionated...if you look up opinionated in the dictionary you will see a picture of Jim. Back then he drove me crazy. He was a tough teacher and at the same time we spent hours working on political events together, so we were also friends. He was a terrific person and I am sure he is missed around campus.

After that I decided to check out the MJC faculty site...maybe there were still some of my teachers there. I did find a couple, but the one who got me excited is a professor who used to be a classmate. His name is Optimism One...it really is! Back then I asked him why he chose that name and he told me he read a book that was influential in his life and that name was the in the book. He actually had his name legally changed to Optimism One. I remember he was younger than me and was such a free spirit. Remember, I was an older student...I think around 35 back then so I was a late bloomer to this free spirit stuff, but I knew I wanted to live that way...my then husband wasn't so happy with this new free spirit wife so we divorced in 1990. Anyway, I left an email in Optimism One's faculty email box.
I hope he remembers me and doesn't think I'm some spammer. I sure would like hearing back from him.

Now that I am blogging about that.. I wish I had stayed in school/college longer. I did go onto San Francisco State and have a degree in Social Science...alot a good that did for me. I wish I had continued and got a masters and maybe a PhD. I would have been a great teacher at the college level...there are too many restrictions K thru 12...heaven forbid we teach these kids to think for themselves! I would have been in trouble all the time with the principal. But let me teach at the college level...I would have made Jim proud!

Well, I can't go back and change the past, but I want to live my life to the fullest from now on. I want to be that free spirit that somehow got lost somewhere. I want to make a difference while I'm here. I want to inspire others and help make this place better for future generations. Dang somebody get me a megaphone and a soapbox! For now I better eat dinner.


P.S. I couldn't find a picture of Jim but I did find one of Optimism. It's on a site called "Rate the Professor." I can see by the comments of some of his students that he definitely learned alot from Jim because of the snide comments. It's amazing that students want to be spoon fed an education and can't stand it when the professor wants them to do the work without a whole lot of structure, example; back then including Jim's class, we were given a syllabus at the beginning of the semester; we did not have turn in weekly assignments and were tested only a couple of times which meant it was up to the us to do the work, incuding the reading assigments. That meant the tests were worth more. We were only tested 3 or 4 times a semester so we  better know the material because there were fewer tests to base an average grade. If the student was a slacker he/she would probably fail. The professor was trying to teach students to be self-disciplined (which I think should be taught in high school to prepare them for life, whether they go to college or not)  I think any student of both Jim and Optimism are lucky and probably came out a more self-aware person :)

Eat your fruits & veggies!   xo Inge

Aerobics with Jesse the Jack Russell Terrier

Useful Dog Tricks performed by Jesse

Another Story about Monsanto and RoundUp

http://www.ewg.org/release/government-tests-find-roundup-widespread-water-air

Goats and Sheep Hoofing it to Downtown Santa Cruz Protest Rally

http://hartkeisonline.com/animal-husbandry/goats-and-sheep-hoofing-it-to-downtown-santa-cruz-protest-rally/

I saw my physical therapist today for the consultation visit. He also believes the chemo messed up my nervous system and affected my balance, because he has seen other cancer patients with the same issue. Only time will tell how much it will return to normal. My goal is to walk around without a walker. I drove myself...yay! but had to get myself to the 2nd floor to make an appointment back at UCI.  I can't walk upstairs by myself so I had to suck it up and ride the elevator. That is something I have been afraid to do for a few months. I made it and did not feel anxious. Now I have to gear myself up for the PET/CT scan in two weeks.
Eat your fruit & veggies!   xo Inge

Inspiring story

http://katrinagarcia.wordpress.com/2011/08/20/when-life-throws-you-a-sucker-punch-you-get-even/

I made homemade bagel chips. Well, sort of... ok, I bought the bagels and cut them up into bite size pieces. Then put olive oil on top. Baked at 450 for 10 min. and dipped them in hummus. YUM!

I found this quote on my son's facebook page. I'm glad he figured it without getting sick...

"There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right - pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.Re-post if you agree....Being alive is a gift, living life happy is your choice."

I just got off the phone with Errol at www.brevilleusa.com. They make the BEST juicer for an affordable price!!! I mentioned in an earlier post that I bought this juicer because Kriss Carr from http://crazysexylife.com/about/ raved about it.  I bought mine from Amazon because at the time I could not get around to shop for one in a store and they were selling for only $89  plus shipping. I don't know if you ever priced juicers but they can be pricey to say the least. Anyway, back to my story, we moved a few months ago and the pulp container got cracked...never let your helpers drink beer while they are moving you, they must wait until they are done. Oh yeah, I'm off subject again. Well, today I called customer service to order a new one and let me tell you...THEY GIVE EXCELLENT CUSTOMER SERVICE!!! I am excited because these days customer service is almost non existent.  Errol told me they give a one year warranty on the motor but not on parts, but since I only had the juicer a few months, he was sending me the part free of charge!!! That is unheard of! Thank You Errol!!! If you want a juicer, I highly recommend Breville. My name is Inge and I approve this message