My lab results are back. I AM CANCER FREE!!! I plan to celebrate with a super fattening green smoothie! xo Inge

My bottom still hurts today...so I'm not sitting on it. I also lost 5 lbs....that's disappointing. So I bought some Ensure to add to my smoothies. Hopefully that will help. My doc will not be happy with me if he finds out I lost weight. He thinks I should include chicken to my diet but my ph is so good I don't want to change that. I do need to add some fattening veggie stuff though...so I added sour cream to my veggie chili today. I also got out of the house and went with John to the grocery store this morning. I am grateful things are going so well. I am blessed.
xo Inge

The surgery went well yesterday. To make sure I was calm I took my panic attack pill before I got to the hospital. It makes me sleepy though, so I was already napping before I went to the OR. It took me 3 hours to wake up and ready to go home...which is a long time...I think the panic attack pill put me over the top.


My doc said that he did not see any c-word left...YAY! but he sent some tissue to the lab to be sure. We get all the info in a week. Today my rear end and neck are sore. I understand my rear end but my neck? I am feeling better than I expected and I am grateful...for everything! I am sooo blessed. John had to go back to work today, but CJ is coming over to visit. I plan to rest and maybe take a short walk. The sun is shining and the birds are singing...what a wonderful day!
xo Inge

The last 2 nights I have not been sleeping well. I don't remember my dreams but I woke up sad and anxious. I also found myself thinking about my retirement years... social security stuff... how can we live on that amount of money? We have no pension, 401 K ...remember when all we needed was a savings account? Now, we are lucky to get 2% from that and we could take money out without penalty. I think those days are gone...banks can make money other ways. How much money do you have socked away?

I even found myself checking out other single women in the complex and found one who could make John a good wife...if things turned out..stop! can't think like that. I told John about it and after he got over the sadness of that conversation he thought it was funny.

I want to stop worrying about 10 years from now...We just moved into a great new place...I have a supportive, loving husband...I am alive and getting stronger every day. This is old behavior and probably contributed to my illness in the first place. I need to get back to my gratitude journal and meditating.

Tuesday is the biopsy...it probably is in my subconscious. I guess it's normal to feel funky, even though I have alot to be happy about.

Tuesday

We're here but believe it or not we still have to get the potted plants at the old place. Ugh! If I didn't like them so much I would leave them there. I really like our new place and I feel like I am home. I never felt that way at the old place...I don't know why. There is something going on with the kitchen though...the overhead microwave doesn't work ( I was told that before we moved in) but the microwave is also part of the exhaust fan so that has to be replaced. I don't like calling my landlord to complain about things and I especially don't when I just moved in but I can't cook without it....well, I can cook but it will get smokey in the condo...so I called and they will replace it hopefully, this weekend. Then my refrigerator, the one I bought 5 years ago went kaput...so a new one was delivered this morning....then I went to run the dishwasher and it sounds like it's hooked up to a machine gun! I don't want to call the landlord again....so I decided that I will run the dishwasher when the landlord installs the microwave unit and say, "hmmmm that doesn't sound good. What do you think?" But wait that's not all... my kitchen fluorescent lights burned out...not one but all four! I think something is telling me to stay out of the kitchen! LOL!
xo Inge

cowboys herding cats

Don't Give Up! You Got a Reason to Live!

Tomorrow is the big day. We move all the big stuff into our new place. This morning I didn't feel that great but some peppermint helped my stomach feel better. I decided to rest up today so I can get through tomorrow.
I also got an appointment with a shrink on Monday. I hope he gives me something for my anxiety...although I have been feeling good in that department today.
xo Inge

As you know I have been juicing my veggies, but have been having trouble juicing the leafy ones...it just didn't seem like much juice was coming out....soooo I found a recipe for a green smoothie using a blender...I didn't know if my blender would chop the greens up but it did...sooo I made myself a spinach, banana, vanilla almond milk smoothie. Can you say FABULOUS!!! What a delicious way to eat my leafy greens! If you have kids who won't eat their veggies this is an excellent way to get them to...just don't tell them what's in it.

I went to visit doc this morning for checkup and got a thumbs up. Everything looks good! But lately...well ever since the Pet Ct scan I have been having panic attacks. I knew they were bad 2 days ago when John & I were in our detached garage...John had the garage door opener in his pants pocket and when he bent over the garage door started to close...I got so upset that I pooped my pants. It took me about 5 minutes to calm down. Now logically this doesn't make sense because we cannot get locked in...but in my mind I was afraid.
I told my doc about it and he will refer me to a psychologist...he reminded me that I have been through alot, so having some psychological issues is normal. I do have a history of anxiety/panic disorders, but the last time I experienced it was over 20 years ago when my dad died...he was my age...so my illness could have triggered it. Anyways I am working on it and will not let it rule my life...just like the OCD that sometimes tries to take over. I will beat this too!
xo Inge

Yesterday I didn't juice because I didn't have cucumbers (one of my favs) and I missed not drinking it. Today I went shopping & stocked up on veggies. Trader Joes is getting lots more organic veggies. YAY!...so I decided to add broccoli to the mix. YUM!
Here is the recipe: apple (I used gala), broccoli florets, celery, cucumber, 5 baby carrots.
xo Inge

I went to a birthday party today that happened to be in the condo complex where John and I are moving into. We have been taking 2 car loads everyday until the big move which is June 12th...anyways today I decided to make a salad in my large porcelain bowl to share at the party at my condo and decided to walk over to the pool area where the party was. Sounds normal enough right? What I didn't take into consideration is speed bumps... something we all walk over everyday... but for me it was a problem...my balance is not quite right...I couldn't do it by myself...so I waited holding the large porcelain bowl that was getting heavier by the minute. I knew I would have to ask for help... something I am not used to...I'm Miss Independence but today anyways I had to face it...I had to ask a stranger for help.

Finally a car drove by with what looked like a car full of gang bangers...Luckily the driver side window was open so I swallowed my stubborn pride and called out for help. The car stopped and I asked the driver if he could help me get over the speed bump and walk me to the curb where the sidewalk was even. The driver got out and came over to me and asked where I was going so I told him I was on my way to a party at the pool...so he called out to what turned out to be his son and told him to walk me to the pool and carry the bowl.

It turned out that this "car full of gang bangers' was a family going to visit their grandma. Another reminder for me not to judge...also to ask for help. When I think about it now I was not only learning to ask for help but I allowed this family to get karma points for helping me.
xo Inge