The last 2 nights I have not been sleeping well. I don't remember my dreams but I woke up sad and anxious. I also found myself thinking about my retirement years... social security stuff... how can we live on that amount of money? We have no pension, 401 K ...remember when all we needed was a savings account? Now, we are lucky to get 2% from that and we could take money out without penalty. I think those days are gone...banks can make money other ways. How much money do you have socked away?
I even found myself checking out other single women in the complex and found one who could make John a good wife...if things turned out..stop! can't think like that. I told John about it and after he got over the sadness of that conversation he thought it was funny.
I want to stop worrying about 10 years from now...We just moved into a great new place...I have a supportive, loving husband...I am alive and getting stronger every day. This is old behavior and probably contributed to my illness in the first place. I need to get back to my gratitude journal and meditating.
Tuesday is the biopsy...it probably is in my subconscious. I guess it's normal to feel funky, even though I have alot to be happy about.