Oct 1, 2011

Well, I feel better today than yesterday. I did some thinking and came to the conclusion that my depression came from losing my power. When I became sick earlier this year my life was controlled by doctors, social service, and family. I literally slept from January to May. I was only awake to eat, use the bathroom, trips to doctors, and radiation treatments. I knew I was getting better when I wanted to go outside the house and for short car rides. I worked hard to be able to drive myself around. Fast forward to now and I want to get out of the house more. I want a job, a purpose. When I saw myself sitting in the social security office yesterday, I felt sick to my stomach. The more I talked with the social worker, the sicker I felt. My life was now going to be controlled by the government. They would decide how much money I would live on for the rest of my life. This was not going to work for me. I have always been active and working. Soooo, last night I told James about my fears and he told me "Mom, the perfect job for you might be staring you right in the face and you don't see it. You have been an inspiration to others who have followed your story since your diagnosis. Go out to colleges, churches, etc. and ask them if you can speak about your journey. There are people who want to hear it. They need hope."

So I decided to look at my situation as temporary. For now I can offer my services for free or donation and see where it takes me. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. So I will put together an outline for a speech and practise on my pets. I have my POWER back!!!
Eat your fruit & veggies!   xo  Inge

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