Junkstyle Diva

I saw my oncologist yesterday. I had a list of questions for her this time. I don't like to complain when I am not feeling as good as I would like so I usually just tell people (when they ask) I am good, but I have to do things differently now...I have to be honest and if I don't feel well, I have to say so. The good thing is that I am off the morphine... I have been taking it 7 months and for the last 3 weeks I have weaned myself off. Let me tell you...getting off morphine is a bitch...all the joints in my body ached...daily...then there was the night sweats and anxiety. I will do everything I can to take some other pain reliever. I understand how an addict must feel even though my symptoms are probably minor compared to theirs. I am not about to spend time in a rehab facility...that is what kept me from taking those pills.

I have some other issues that I am dealing with. I don't walk normal...hubby says I walk like Walter Brennen from the "Real McCoys"...remember that show? I cannot step up a curb without help because I lose my balance. If I close my eyes and try to walk, I lose my balance. I can walk for 30 minutes but after that I am tired and have to lay down...I would sit down but my butt is still sore. My legs tingle, my skin feels too tight and when I walk I feel like I am carrying around weights. I also have trouble getting up and have to hold on to something. Then there is the issue with weight...I am not gaining and the 6 pounds I did gain 2 months ago..I lost. I eat better and drink more green smoothies instead of the juicing so I can get more calories...but it isn't helping. Bummer! I know some women wish they had that problem but I am 6ft. tall and weigh 129 lbs. I haven't been that skinny since high school when a boy told me there was more meat on a canaries legs than mine! I had trouble gaining weight back then too. I weighed 148 before I got sick.

My doc sent me to get my thyroid tested. She is also sending me to a neurologist and physical therapy. Hopefully we can get some answers. I know the radiation/chemo did a number on me and these issues could be a side effect from treatment. I hate to complain to my doc about it because I am so grateful to be alive. I am told if I keep my mouth shut they cannot help me.

Hope you are feeling good today. xo Inge